" Journal entry – I think I was writing Gurudev with the idea of applying for to be pre-sannyas – I did not send it. It must have been sometime in the first year or so at Wilkinson St – before steve and after kalyani. :
Desires 1. I need to live alone. 2. I need to attend more satsangs – and feel, really experience, my aloneness and yet the reality of the other beings there 3. I wish very much to serve as directly as possible, the ashram and your teachings. 4. I do not wish to be on welfare unless totally unavoidable. 5. I desire to live a life of celibacy, service, meditation
Qualifications: 1. I have no husband. 2. I have 2 beautiful children who are ages 3 ¾ and 4 ¾. They are able to be left at sitters 3 days a week, ideally, or just mornings 5 days a week. If I have to work fulltime in the outside world to avoid welfare, I will have to work 5 full days/week. "